The Bee family is doing an about-face. Change is synonymous with a few key words that leave deep images in your mind. Words like “born again”, “growth”, “reconstruction”, “reformation”, “regeneration”, “resolution”, “transfiguration”, “remodeling”, “turning around”. I’m pretty sure the sort of change absorbing us over the next few years will be heavy on the remodeling side.
On the other hand, the opposite of change is idleness and sameness. Isn’t the definition of CRAZY: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results?
Somewhere in the span of the past year or two, a change began to take place in my heart. Maybe it wasn’t really my heart, but my spirit (the deep part of your mind that knows things before you do). I started to feel like a renter in my home… and yet I knew it wasn’t the “moving bug” because I really didn’t want to move. In fact, I love my house, my town, and my friends here. I knew it was something deeper; God was putting it on my heart that a change was coming.
I swallowed it back for a long time. I couldn’t imagine moving and uprooting the kids again. We have moved about 18 times in our 20 years, and spent nearly five in this place. I wasn’t ready for the nomadic life again. Especially not with two toddlers in tow.
Doors were closing, doors were opening… always so many choices to make. We are still praying every day we are making wise ones; that we are in line with His will for our family.
In the short, we have decided to sell our home. But the selling part is up to Him. With the economic downturn, we are competing with foreclosures selling for nearly what we owe. While our home might be more appealing, it isn’t a good feeling to know you are asking ten thousand more than the house next door for the same amount of square footage. It is painful spending nearly four thousand for carpet that won’t get recouped in a sale. It will hurt to have to pay off carpet on a Lowe’s credit card for another family… but that’s beside the point.
It also isn’t easy imagining living in a tiny little home that needs more attention and repair than we can hope to accomplish in half a decade. The six of us, and my sweet mama – with one working bathroom. A kitchen the size of my smallest bathroom or less.
Sometimes God calls us to let go of our ‘riches’ and take hold of our crosses, hoisting them up and bracing for the uphill walk towards the light.
There will be a lot of sweat and tears in our near future. But believe me, when I tell you, there will also be peace.
I heard a story once that a preacher told about “the real meaning of peace”. Here’s a version of it from the internet:
There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The king looked at all the pictures. But there were only two he really liked, and he had to choose between them.
One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering mountains all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace.
The other picture had mountains, too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky, from which rain fell and in which lightning played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all.
But when the king looked closely, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest – in perfect peace.
Which picture do you think won the prize? The king chose the second picture. Do you know why?
“Because,” explained the king, “peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace.”
Now the Dali Lama might tell you that you should try to create or develop this inner peace – to seek to chose happiness as your goal in life no matter your circumstance. I know this to be an unattainable goal.
This peace comes from Christ – for in Him I can do all things as He strengthens me. I can give up a 2400 square foot new home to live in a two bedroom house that my grandfather pieced together with his own hands. I can walk in certainty that when I loosen my grip on this trinket and give it to God, He will bless me. May my children after me see that I walk by faith and not sight.
If this ‘change’ is from the Lord, it will all work out in the end. I’m putting it in His hands. I’m preparing for a miracle (and a lot more scorpion sightings). I’m putting in the new carpet based on the sale I believe will come – even though our house is priced higher, the market is down, the numbers don’t add up, the future seems unsettling…
And I’m watching for Him to show up.
Romans 8:28 – And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose.