December 9th. The last post I made before the blog funk settled in. Seems a lighthearted topic – dreams of remodeled spaces and things to make life easier. My heavy heart wishes that today were that easy – that posting here could be that upbeat.
Last week… We had just spent over three weeks passing a cold and sore throat back and forth starting before Thanksgiving and I had come down with a horrible bout of asthma and lung congestion due to aspirating a tiny piece of rice. Morgan hurt her nose (possibly broke it) by slamming a heavy plastic laundry basket in to her face by accident. Kaden’s knees had been burning for some strange reason. Oh, and we picked up glasses for Morgan from the optician’s office last Friday. It seems like we’ve spent most of this year in the doctor’s office or hospital, and school has suffered tremendously with all the down-time for pain, illnesses and pregnancy check-ups. Still… I was happy to be on the upswing this weekend, even if I had to use the inhaler every few hours to keep from coughing uncontrollably.
By Saturday I felt better… and the kids even got to attend a Christmas party Friday night.
My husband turned 40 on the 12th of December. As you can imagine, our weekend was a flurry of activity, being December – a birthday – and trying to mix family holiday get-togethers with celebrations that only come once every four decades. We went to see our niece play a dancing part in a ballet nutcracker on Saturday, ate Mexican food with Pop – his treat for Kevin’s birthday – and came home too tired to put the decorations on the tree.
On Sunday we went to church, ate a ‘famous hamburger’ in Andice, Texas with friends and had a nice, sunny, Sunday drive there and back… and the kids baked Daddy a poppyseed cake per his request. I had secretly invited a couple of local friends to our weekly ‘Sunday Small Group’ that evening; an informal surprise birthday party. Us old folks were tired before 9pm and headed off to bed with baby.
The next morning I was determined to get school done, but my mom called to say that her car was broken down for the week and she wanted me to pick her up and let her use mine to go see her piano students this week. We loaded up the car and went to get Chickie. By the time I got home and was ready to get busy with our bookwork, it was after 2PM.
That was when I checked my email. And found out about Dana’s sweet little boy.
He was the same age as Baby K… only a month apart.
I can remember saying ‘No’ enough times while I was reading it with chills all over my body that the children came in the room and asked me what was wrong. I had no idea what happened to him, but I followed every link and contacted all my homeschool friends online to pray for her family.
My daughter is angry. She’s asking why God would allow this to happen. I know it is going to take some time to work through it with her because she is very attached to her little brother and baby Mattias was the same age.
All those blog posts I had in my mind last week vanished. The desire to blog pretty much vanished, too.
I have been crying off and on since the 13th. Every time I look at my son, I feel her pain resonate in my heart. I hear his laugh and it breaks me in pieces for the brothers and sisters that are left missing Tiggy’s mischief.
Yesterday we skipped the Symphony and decided to decorate our tree together. I took my 3 hour glucose test at the lab and mom watched the kids. Today Morgan had a consultation with all her test results since we started on her chronic back pain journey and they suggested it was time for an MRI (two of them, to be exact).
The house isn’t spotless. School hasn’t been getting done this week. There are boxes that need to go back to the garage – full of Christmas decorations that we didn’t put up this year.
I’ve been spending a lot less time on the computer and a lot more time hugging my almost two year old. And crying about Tiggy.
I don’t feel guilty about it at all.
God knows the seasons that come – the circumstances that ‘derail’ us. He knows there’s not enough money in the bank account (maybe he wanted us to stay home and eat soup that night?) … and He knows that big questions are coming from young minds (maybe it’s time we had a family devotional and really talked about why bad things sometimes happen).
He knows the reasons. And every moment He gives us is a gift.
I pray that we all are savoring them, finding joy in the difficulties because they are all for our eternal glory.
I pray His arms stay tight and warm around Dana and her family as they walk this path.
And maybe when I’m able to be a little less serious, I’ll be back to my normal blogging self.
If you would like to send a card or donation to Dana’s family, please see the information in the prayer request post at the Homeschool Post today. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kindness.