And so it begins… the page is turning… we are moving on to the next chapter.
I found myself wanting to text my mama and tell her all about what was going on today. Reality stings. Holidays are always hard times of year for those who have lost someone. I wish I was better about sending cards to others, because now that I know how it feels, I feel like maybe I need to turn over a new leaf and send more snail mail to those who are suffering.
Someone asked me if I approve of Christmas season starting November 1st. I don’t mean to be bahumbug, but Thanksgiving is my jam. I don’t decorate or start the music until the day after Thanksgiving… and even then, this year it may be closer to December 1st. I can’t imagine being in the Christmas spirit with the mess I’m about to be dealing with.
We got the best news we could have gotten today… but it is bittersweet for me. I was my mother’s only child, so all her things are waiting for me on the other side of this house sale and move. No one else can see to them. I’ve only been able to barely scratch the surface of what needs to be done before we can renovate the home and live there. It has been a little over a year since she’s been gone and some of the house remains just as she left it. This means now that we are moving FOR REAL to her house in a few weeks, I’ll be putting all my stuff in storage and living in her house; and I will be slowly digging out and emptying every drawer and book case to make room for our family’s things to coexist there with hers. I’ll have to decide what to get rid of. I’ll have to decide what stays.
There are layers of grief there… waiting. The home first belonged to my aunt and cousin (who has passed away and was my best friend growing up), and then my grandma and grandpa (both gone also). Every atom in the house reminds me of a person in my family or a memory I had there as a child. Talk about having the weight of the past on your shoulders…
But this is a huge blessing, and I know that eventually, it will be our home. We will make it ours and the ‘ghosts’ of the past will become friendly reminders of those we’ve loved who are smiling down on us from heaven.
The work will be daunting… I’ll have two storage units and a whole house of things to figure out what to do with. A game of Tetris? An Ebay or Etsy shop? A burn pile? Who knows where all of the stuff out there will end up… but one thing is for sure… we aim to simplify and downsize. All we need is less. Part of this move is about living with less – living within our means – being good stewards – getting back to our roots and nature.
The boys and I have been reading the Little House series and I plan to buy the TV series so we can watch them all when we are done. My 9 year old told me he wants to be a farmer and he loves plants. He also loves to cook and spend time doing chores with me. God must have known I would need this as my older two sprout their wings and head off into the sunset.
My almost 20 year old daughter just purchased her first car and is moving to Lubbock to live near Texas Tech and possibly attend school there. The cost of living in Lubbock is way less than it is here in the Austin area. We are looking forward to a steep drop in our bills when we move to the country, too. We will be paying quite a bit in gas, but after we sell the house we are planning to get a used vehicle that gets over 30 miles per gallon for my husband’s commute to town. My oldest is working full time now, in lieu of college (because he was burning through his college funds with us being out of district for the school he wanted to attend). He’s working HR and getting good experience that will go with him no matter what field he ends up in. Currently he is saving up for his own place and will be moving out when he’s got that figured out. I’m glad he will be going with us at first… but I know that won’t last for very long.
This Thanksgiving we have many things to be thankful for… because this is the end of a chapter that needed closing and the beginning of a chapter that needed to begin. Change is never easy, but I sense so much good that is coming down the pipe. Light at the end of this long tunnel… and although mama can’t be here to see us finally move out there to “the country” with her like she wanted, I know she’s doing the happy dance up there with Jesus. This is what she would have wanted. It is what my husband has wanted for a long time, too. The little boys are excited.
I know that Jesus and I can do this. It’s time.
I’ll be busy packing, but I’ll see you on the other side! Happy Thanksgiving!